A Very Merry Unbirthday! – er..Wait…

Yes, yes. I am one of those types.  The kind who doesn’t care to celebrate my birthday and tomorrow, February 26th, is my 29th birthday.

I went YEARS keeping the date from people, hoping no one would remember and force me into some kind of awkward, unsolicited hug or pervey shoulder pat. And presents, ugh the presents. I don’t even know how to take a compliment! How can I accept a present when all I can say in response to “your hair looks nice”is, “thanks, I haven’t washed it in four complimentsdays and I found my kids’ pencil shavings in there.”

Most recently, I decided maybe it’s a good idea to let people be reminded that I was born at some point in time. Why? I don’t even know. Everyone is doing it and I’m starting to feel like I did in elementary school when everyone played on the monkey bars until they got blisters that burst and bled. It hurt like like crazy but they all did it anyway and then I started doing it, too, because peer pressure, man!

So, what are my plans?

Well, the goblins are off of school tomorrow, so that’s good. I have food already cooked. That’s a plus. I might take a shower. Maybe I’ll really get crazy and cut my own nails. Heck, I might even polish them. But not color them because I can’t draw a straight line, let alone put nail polish on my own fingers.

Seriously, I have no plans and I kind of like it that way. I would like to have Lord of the Rings playing throughout the day, even if it’s just background noise. Sit with a book and munch on some vanilla bean ice cream. Behead the filthy residents nearby that tainted my lawn with their malodorous animal feces.

Sorry. That escalated quickly.


I’m honestly just kind of hoping the goblins will stop vomiting and fevering as they have been the last week. That will be a birthday present in itself. I just want peace and quiet and an unmigraine. Yes, believe it or not, I would like to feel my brain a little less.

Bah, birthdays. They are nothing but reminders that you’re getting more wrinkly and soon enough, bladder control will be a daily battle.


Put ‘er there, Life.



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